Today I got a cup of Starbucks and two new tires for less than twenty bucks.
Would you like me to elaborate?
And yes, on the surface this reads as another blog about my bad Carma; yet so much more. Just read the rest of the narrative.
Friday morning I woke up discovering a light dusting of snow concealing black ice. Undeterred I drive for my walk with Olive Oil. As I approach my first turn I pump my breaks (like you are suposta) when the rear of the clown car swings to a ninety-degree angle as a curb halts the front wheel.
On my three-mile drive I make impact with two curbs. Not blogworthy but annoying. Later Gimpy ascertains I require new back tires.
Life continues until….
Every other Sunday my sister, her boyfriend and his daughter (my “not niece” Little One) descend upon the condo for a free meal family dinner.
Today Boy Friend inquires, “Did you know you have a gouge on your passenger side front tire. Like from hitting a curb.”
Sho nuff.
Shitstix.
Front tire. The one I bought last February.
I am volunteering at Muskegon Civic Theatre tonight at 6:30 a destinations involving highway driving. Hence, after meatloaf, I shirk my clean up duties to venture to Sears.
“I have a gash on my tire and need to know if it safe to drive on.”
“Are you noticeably losing air?”
“No.”
He assess the damage, “This is more like a gouge.”
“Both begin with G.”
“I am not going to be able to fix this.”
“Crap. I need new back tires too.”
“Back tires are the most important tires.”
“Even if you have front wheel drive?”
“Even then.”
“This isn’t covered under warranty is it?”
“Did you pay for Road Hazard Plus?”
I check my paperwork. Thankfully I am a fan of paying a few extra dollars for idiot coverage. (Really if you regularly read this blog you will agree this is a no brainier a in Alyssaland.)
After crunching numbers, he notifies me my total cost for two new tires will be thirteen dollars and two cents. TOTAL. We will place the new tires on the back replacing the bum tires with the existing rear tire with the best treads.
So in some smurfed up way ramming my car into a curb (twice) provided a blessing.
Alas, we are only mid-story.
I stroll across the mall parking lot to Starbucks. I sit working on a crossword puzzle when the barista approaches me, “I think you have a call.”
In my rush I forgot my cell phone; however the Mr. Sears found me. At Starbucks. I am getting calls there now. They need to know the location of special thingy to change the lug nuts.
Did I mention today Little One informed me my car is a “hot mess” in need of cleaning?
However, I knew the precise position of the tool.
Fifteen minutes later I trek back to the automotive department.
“We were able to find the wrench. But we looked everywhere. We even took the bale of hay out of your trunk.”
“Oh, I forgot about that.”
“Yeah, the guy working on your car asked what kinda person drives around with hay in their trunk and I said someone who lives around horses.”
“Actually it is for a feral house cat. And it is only 1/3 a bale.”
I stop myself before the answer the above question becomes “a crazy cat lady.”
We chat for a bit when my background in theater when Mr. Sears announces, “The guy working on your car is involved in drama.”
A few minutes later he invites me to the “Escorted Customers Only” area, “This is Tire Dude and I wanted to introduce you two.”
“I’ve heard your name,” declares Tire Dude.
“I volunteer at Civic Theater. Actually I am on my way there tonight. I also write reviews for The Chronicle.”
Some sort of recognition, an uncomfortable one, “That is how I know about you.”
My mind muses about a fiction piece involving a local actor/mechanic and the unwitting critic who brings her automobile to be repaired by the person she raked over the coals.
#lifetimemadefortvmovie
Things get weirder.
In telling Artistic Director who fixed my vehicle he informs me, “You met him at Naughty’s. The night of the blizzard.”
“The night of my DUI.”
“Yep.”
I reside in Mayberry.
#fullcircle
Today I got a cup of Starbucks and two new tires for less than twenty bucks. How was your day?
Smooches!!
The Queen of Alyssaland